Breaking News: California Legislature Dumb as Rocks

The legislature should be eaten by bears.

I love being from my home state. I love being from the “real” part of the state (Southern California) even more.

People hate on L.A. alot and I usually shut them down pretty quickly with this gem:

“You like movies? You’re welcome.”

Nevertheless, us Californians sure do know how to provide hysterical fodder for the rest of the country. Remember when we did THIS? Or THIS?

Well today we’ve got another ridiculous thing to fight up at the Statehouse. Apparently the legislature is debating whether or not to remove serpentine as the official state rock, because it contains naturally occurring traces of asbestos. Cancer-conscious advocates claim it sends the wrong message. Yes, because clearly Californians have a huge problem with naturally occurring carcinogens.

The New York Times, whose writers I’m sure had a field day, summed up the crux of the controversy

“Declaring that serpentine “has known health effects,” the bill would leave California — one of roughly half the states in the nation with an official rock or mineral — without an official rock. (According to the bill, California was the first state, in 1965, to name an official rock.) Asbestos occurs naturally in many minerals, and indeed some serpentine rocks do serve as a host for chrysotile, a form of asbestos. But geologists say chrysotile is less harmful than some other forms of asbestos, and would be a danger — like scores of other rocks — only if a person were to breathe its dust repeatedly.

Ok, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and file this away under “Not An Issue.”

But legislators aren’t. Here is what actual California Senator Gloria Romero actually had to say in the bill’s defense

“California is health conscious,” she said. “This is not about being anti-rock. But why do we need a rock?”

Just to be clear. The California Legislature. Is fighting. Over rocks.

Look at the dangerous rock in some dude's hand.

It is literally a metaphor for what is wrong with the state.

Since I’m going to one day be a Dr., and thus certified expert on matters of rhetoric and argumentation, allow me to break down this complicated argument for y’all.

Issue 1: Should the California State rock be Serpentine?

Issue 2: Should we even have a State rock?

Issue 3: Is this why California is broke?

$10 bucks if you can guess which two are the most important. I then ask that you donate that money to the California State Treasury.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go smash my face against a rock. But not serpentine. Wouldn’t want to up my cancer risk.

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About Joe Faina

Rhetoric & Media Professor, Writer, Humorist

Posted on 07/14/2010, in California, Government, Political Pop-Culture, Rocks and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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